Friday, December 15, 2017

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (Sci-Fi Action 2017)

Argh! I don't know how this fucktard managed to do it but the director, Rian Johnson, fucked up this whole movie. How bad you ask? It's close to being on par with Phantom Menace bad... And who the hell spells Ryan with an 'i' either...see even his parents didn't like him.

I'll add the spoiler complaints at the end, but holy shit let's just say that I watched this film on the evening of its release and I had to work the next day, so I was expecting some worthwhile gold. What I got was pretty bad. This movie wasn't good...the writing sucked, the characters were all over the place, the directing was weak, there was almost no music integration, and none of the questions that came from the first film were fully answered. On top of that, the answers that you were looking for are now 100% irrelevant because of what occurred in the plot. This dumb-ass wrote and directed this film and he totally has no idea what he is doing. Has he even seen a movie before?

So the feel of this movie was totally different from the first one. It went too fast as in performing the amateur move of 'scene jumping'. Here's a scene...let's explain nothing and then Bam! Jump to another scene. The jokes were something out of an Adult Swim cartoon and stupid, which took you out of the Star Wars experience. I'd say that there were 4 cool scenes and the rest was overacted garbage. The whole latter portion of the film was a complete rush job. You know how some books are really good at the beginning and then towards the end it seems like the author is forced to wrap it up because the publisher is breathing down their neck? Yeah, just like that...but in this scenario the whole ending was just trash and fucks up the whole Star Wars foundation and story-line.

Overall it was shit. I would love to have a nice debate with anyone who thought the movie was good. Minus the 4 memorable moments, my complaint areas are all legit and all super valid. I'm sure some random person on a tiny island in the Pacific is mirroring the same "WTF" comments I have below... Hopefully JJ will be able to save the 3rd one.

***SPOILERS***
  • Really, there are spoilers below. I don't want to ruin this already horrible film for you.
  • Many characters die and there is no reason why they are even in it in the first place. Like seriously...there are people who get extra screen time in the beginning so you think they may be someone new and then Bam! Dead...just like a shorter version of Game of Thrones.
  • Luke is a tard. His character was totally different from Return of the Jedi and it doesn't make much sense why his is such a weak and whiny character.
  • The first joke you get to experience was so damn bad and misplaced...it totally took me out of the moment...WTF man.
  • A new main character is this chubby Asian chick who was annoying and not relatable at all. Go eat some more Pho porky.
  • The red imperial guards surrounding Snoke were more interested in posing in their ninja moves vs protection detail. They seemed totally ineffective and slow. Odd...it was like a misplaced dance or theater presentation; they didn't know what movie they were in.
  • The new Vice Admiral chick had purple hair. Not good purple either...it was shopping at a Spirit store during Halloween spray-on purple. This totally took me out of the moment because I just couldn't take a purple-haired chick in a fancy dress seriously. Go back and sit on your magical throne already.
  • Snoke got wiped without ANY explanation of who the fuck he was.
  • Finn's kamikaze was stopped by porker...why? The initiation of his sacrifice run was unnecessary considering the situation of the alliance survivors, but holy shit the addition of the interference was just odd and misplaced.
  • Leia's space angel scene was fuckin' borked. What are we watching here? Like really...is this an Anime?
  • Admiral Ackbar deserved a better end. Bullshit man. Where were the damn forward shields?
  • Seeing Yoda was cool, but again...no explanation of the deeper reasoning behind his appearance other than a oddly placed cameo to incite some cheering by the evening crowd.
  • Since when can a round droid hack into a walker? There should be some realistic limitations on BB-8's abilities; he has no legs!
  • Why is the acting so overly done? Too much emotion, too much urgency, too much anger,100% acting. It shouldn't be that obvious. You guys are actors which means that my plebeian-ass shouldn't be able to tell that you're acting.
  • I guess the fried chicken scene was funny but the chicken looked hella fake and rubbery. This isn't Shrek...why have that copy-cat scene?
  • Without any organization, force-users will just be running amok unabated...this doesn't sound right considering how far back the history of Jedi and Sith go.
  • Rey had the equivalent of what seemed like a week of training. Really? I barely know where the printer in the office is located after a week. Is that enough time to be able to fight as good as she did? Luke had to have been at Dagobah for at least a few months before being a believable Jedi.
  • With all primaries gone, you really don't have any characters left to root for. The new peeps all suck and Chewie and his one-liners aren't good enough. Isn't he like super old now as well?
Rating - C